Sometimes,
It's like a pair of shoes that looks fabulous,
(SWOON!)
...but feels like hell.
They call it a killer heel for a reason.
When 'fabulous' is completely cancelled out by the torture of wearing them.
An analogy.
For the system of being.
I want to feel the grass between my toes!
To create beauty!
To make tangible all that exists inside my mind!
I have tried a few times.
To do this thing.
But,
always with a safety net.
And now that I think longer,
It was fear,
(of what entirely is not so certain)
blockading the part of me that says...
YOU CAN DO IT!
(and we all know that you can't swim with your feet on the shore.)
I should have left a trail of breadcrumbs instead.
As a way of outsmarting myself into haing an adenture.
I ask:
Why could I never be so brave?
Because it was not my whole heart.
It was not the whole faith.
Who says that I can't be the participant,
and the coach?
And the proud parents,
standing on the sidelines,
sceaming words of encouragement
AND
winning the race at the same time?
Although,
there are no others in this race.
Just a thousand different versions of who I could be,
...want to be.
want/dream/desire
Competing with one another for a spot on the podium.
These me's have their place.
But,
I do have my favourites.
The creative one.
The craftsperson.
The one who sings all the time.
Who laughs at everything.
Who follows what her heart says, without hurting others.
The one who is brave enough
to abandon the rules and:
smash out of the bag!
****
Sometimes,
is too often.
A maybe is a no.
Nothing is nothing.
Everything is all.
